Relationships

Empowering people to make strengthening choices

Why Trying to Change Our Partner Almost Never Works

Why Trying to Change Our Partner Almost Never Works

The temptation to fix When relationships feel strained, most of us default to the same strategy: figure out what the other person is doing wrong—and try to get them to change. We offer advice they didn’t ask for. We repeat ourselves more forcefully. We explain our position again, hoping clarity will finally land. Or we […]

By Roger K. Allen, Ph.D.


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Self-Responsibility: The Skill That Changes Every Relationship

Self-Responsibility: The Skill That Changes Every Relationship

When the problem feels like it lives “over there” Most relationship trouble doesn’t begin with cruelty or bad intentions. It begins with a familiar, almost invisible conviction that the problem is over there. Perhaps we feel misunderstood. Unappreciated. Disrespected. Something in us stiffens, and before we know it, our energy shifts toward defending, correcting, or […]

By Roger K. Allen, Ph.D.


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One Year; Two Stories: A Couple Reflects

One Year; Two Stories: A Couple Reflects

In my last post, I posed some questions to ponder at the end of this year. Here is the story of a couple who faced these questions together. It was the evening of December 30th when Jack lit the last candle on the dining table. Emily laughed softly—only Jack would try to make a year-end […]

By Roger K. Allen, Ph.D.


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Finding Meaning, Grace, and Connection in the Holiday Season

Finding Meaning, Grace, and Connection in the Holiday Season

As the holidays approach, I find myself reflecting on why this season matters so much to me. It’s not simply the decorations or traditions—although I enjoy these. It’s something quieter, deeper, more human. The holidays invite us to pause. To breathe. To remember who and what matters most. And perhaps, most importantly, to reconnect with […]

By Roger K. Allen, Ph.D.


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One Couples Journey Through the Stages of Marriage

One Couples Journey Through the Stages of Marriage

When Tom and Laura met, something clicked instantly. Their first date stretched for hours as they talked over coffee, walked by the river, and found themselves laughing like old friends. For weeks afterward, they called and texted each other constantly, stayed up late, and told friends they’d “never felt anything like this before.” Tom was […]

By Roger K. Allen, Ph.D.


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The Skill of Affirming Others

The Skill of Affirming Others

In my last post, I talked about using affirming statements as a way of uplifting others, boosting motivation, and reinforcing desired behaviors. My experience is that well-chosen words can have an immediate and lasting impact. I now want to go one step further by sharing the skill of affirming others, specific steps that will make […]

By Roger K. Allen, Ph.D.


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Affirming Others

Affirming Others

We all want to feel seen and valued. At our core, we long to know that we matter—that our actions, presence, and efforts are recognized by others. One of the most powerful ways to meet this need is through the skill of affirming others: recognizing people for their contributions, character, or efforts in a sincere […]

By Roger K. Allen, Ph.D.


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Do Your Loved Ones Feel Your Respect?

Do Your Loved Ones Feel Your Respect?

The dictionary defines respect as “to hold in high regard; to feel or show honor or esteem towards something or someone.” When we respect someone, we make positive assumptions about their worth, capability, or potential. These assumptions guide how we act towards them. So often we think of respect as something someone must earn. In […]

By Roger K. Allen, Ph.D.


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